Managing stress from responsibilities and uncertainty
A simple framework based on personal experience.
Over the past year or so I’ve become a bit less emotionally tolerant of chaos. Specifically, my stress response seems higher in the face of uncertainty, especially when I have a responsibility to make a decision or do something. To manage this, I’ve reflected on the situations where I get stressed, noticed some patterns, and come up with habits that respond to those patterns. This process has gotten me to a much better place, although still not where I’d like to be, and today I felt like it would be a good time to articulate what’s been working. Maybe it can inspire you to get unstuck from some unhelpful patterns.
What tends to get me stressed:
Awareness anxiety. By this I mean anxiety that I might be unaware of, and failing to attend to, some urgent matter. This can happen on multiple timescales. Today I could forget to pick up the kids; this week I could forget to put in a car registration, make a payment, water the plants; this quarter I could underestimate a work project and end up having to put in long hours to get it done on time, increasing risk that I screw up and making me a less available husband and father.
Analysis paralysis. I have all the facts I’m going to get and I’ve done all the thinking that could be useful, but I’m still afraid of making a decision, usually because I’m fixated on the risks and downsides of every potential approach.
Rumination. I sometimes feel bad about things in the past and have a hard time not thinking about it. I could be in the shower and, before I know it, I’ve wasted 5 minutes obsessing about something that happened many years ago, or how bad it would feel if some remote risk that I can’t do much about was realized in the future.
The framework I’m using to address these things:
Know what’s coming. Use planners and notifications (e.g. calendar reminders, phone alarms) at daily, weekly, and quarterly timescales. Review and update regularly. (I rolled my own lightweight, plain-text system for task tracking a few years ago.)
Focus on one thing at a time. Once you’ve decided what you’re going to do next, commit to it and let everything else fall away.
Limit time deciding what to do. Analysis paralysis is not only inefficient, it is stressful, especially when you realize you already have all the information you’re going to get and have already thought things through as much as could be helpful.
Let go of unhelpful topics. The heading of unhelpful probably covers lots of things, but for me, a big one is negative things (threats, regrets) that make us feel bad and that I can’t do much about, whether in the past or the possible future. If you catch yourself in this kind of thinking, ask if it’s helpful, if it is likely to lead to solving a problem. If not, let it go.
Everyone’s personal challenges are different, but maybe seeing a “worked example” of someone helping themselves might inspire some of us to try a new and better direction.
Have a good one!